Mom recently found herself in a quandary when her normally dapper colleague walked by her office with his fly undone.
“How’s it goin’?” he asked, leaning against her doorframe, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his black shirttails were playing peek-a-boo through his beige pants.
If she'd had her Blank Noise blinkers on, mom would’ve dismissed him as a pervert and “accidentally” poked him in a sensitive spot with the sharp end of her pencil. But being of a somewhat ambiguous orientation, the man has little to fear on a floor full of women, particularly when he walks like them and gestures with the same grace.
“Cashmeres are on sale at Nordstrom,” he began, moving his fingers as he spoke like a Thai dancer with long nails.
It took every ounce of self-restraint on mom’s part to focus on his face and his words rather than allow her eyes to stray southward.
She dug her nails into her palms to quell the giggle birthing in her belly. And when the man rocked on the balls of his feet and thrust his hands into his pockets, stretching the panorama even further, mom’s chest cavity threatened to explode with pent-up mirth.
After an eternity of small talk, her colleague walked away and mom hastily checked her own zipper to make sure she wasn’t violating any corporate dress code policy.
She briefly contemplated running after him and letting him know before the entire office got a sneak peek. "But would he more embarrassed if a man or a woman pointed it out to him?" she mulled.
"Maybe I should send him an e-mail," she considered briefly. "But could that be used against me in a harassment case?"
Deciding to get a closer look before saying anything, mom got up from her chair. "But what if his fly really isn't open, and the black patch on his crotch is all part of the design?" she thought, sitting down again.
"Wait, what if it's intentional?" she gasped. "Maybe he's trying to send a signal to the mailroom boy when he makes his mid-morning run."
Mom then turned to her computer. "Should I just e-mail the boss in Canada and let him deal with it?" she wondered, chewing on her nails.
A good hour later, when her colleague passed by again, mom was relieved to note that despite the inaction on her part, the case was now firmly closed.
Whew! It's a good thing she didn't do anything willy-nilly.
What would you do?
30 comments:
ah, time the great healer!
:)
it really doesn't matter who points it out.. it is always embrassing!
:)
do the same as you did, do nothing!
Extreme embarassment, they should have some kind of auto sensors for such stuff.
-s
lol.. you'll never be able to look him in the eye again (pun indended) ;-)
sundar, just curious. What if a family member, like a mother, points it out? Still embarrassing?
S, whew, what a relief! I wonder if that's why guys in India constantly touch their crotches.
vijay, aaaaargh! Disgusting images are now crowding my mind.
Maybe I'd say something like, "I think Junior would like to contribute to the conversation. Maybe he needs a cover-up too? (Reference to Nordstrom cashmere sweaters, see! All nicely tied in.) Whaddya think?
muser, what if he takes the reference to junior literally and pulls it out? What if cashmere is really a code word for condoms? Aaaaargh and ouch, respectively.
@Terri: Now mom really really needs the vacation to get the "Cashemeres on sale in Aisle 12" pictures out of her mind...
Now that's embarrassing. Coming from a friend, it would be bad enough, coming from a colleague, ouch!!!
Its not a good feeling having your open zip being pointed at by a female...not at all. I say so having being at the receiving end recently..really embarrasing
well it could have been worse - he could've been going commando!
srsly, though, this is like one of my all time fears. That i'll go out in public with my jeans unzipped and flash my panties at the world. which is why i triple check before heading out the door. every time.
And i'd point it out. i lack delicacy :D but then you knew that already.
I am not a prude, just totally birdbrained - I probably wouldn't even notice. Ask my husband.
Terri,
I think freud would have an explanation for that.
-s
Mom thinks too much. Does she have a lean and hungry look?
Wow Ter - you have written about this so well - thoroughly enjoyable - the way it has been written! Loved it!
And yes, you did the right thing - say nothing! Unless it is is your bestest friend ever - in which case I doubt he will be your work colleague! :)
Amey, Mithun, I’ll take your words for it.
Indie, I had to Google what “going commando” meant. I’ve learnt two useful phrases from you, golden showers being the other one. I just hope I never ever have to witness them.
Lakshmi, you’re not missing anything by not noticing.
Sachita, what do you think Freud would say?
Mg, lean look and mom?!! Well-fed would be more like it. And she looks pretty much like me but with less hair on her upper lip.
Noon, thanks. Unless he’s a close relative, I doubt I’ll ever say anything.
ROTFLOL still!
I was almost the first to leave a comment on this excellently done punny piece, but stopped myself coz I was laughing too much to think coherently. (Not that I'm any better now)
Ignorance is bliss, so I guess feigned ignorance is feigned bliss, which isn't so bad, no? :)
ano
Terri !!
When did you see "Indian" guys touching eachothers crotches !!!
I read that comment yest night and am having nightmares ever since....
I'm behaving paraniod with my friends keeping them atleast a meter apart.
harshal, we have no problems if Indian guys touch each other's crotches. In fact, we would encourage it, if it meant leaving the women alone.
A, you're making me go red-faced, even more than an unzipped fly.
Sounds like it was a case of "Willy/wont he notice?"! :D
I think I'd have pointed it out to him, depending on the level of friendliness :)
Hi Terri, Hi Terri's mom. :)
I came to this blog randomly. But I have to tell you, I love it. I love your creativity and your way with words. You are truly gifted. For the past two days( we're currently facing crazy snowstorms in Canuckistan) instead of studying for my mid-term next week or look for a job, I've pretty much spent the afternoon reading your blog. Keep up the great work.
Also, have you ever considered writing a book when the kids get older. Your humour would prolly work really well for a chick lit with a South Asia twist, I'd certainly read it :)
shyam, not sure how willy react. Would he puff up with pride and indignation or shrink in embarrassment?
sivajini, you're too kind. But what on earth would I write about once the kids have flown the coop?
Nah, your being too modest. Its not like all your posts are on kids. You talk about dad, grandparents, social gatherings and even your life( the world of Terri). You make simple posts about ordinary things funny. Besides, I'm willing to wager that writing gives you sense of peace. :)
Terri,
Something do with their paranoia, so they apparently check often to see things are ok. I haven't read freud....
Per Sivajini, A book full of terri's writing, wouldn't that be a tsp of heaven?
-s
Golden showers? Not sure what it means and am scared to google it at work. Maybe should to do so when I get home, but then again its more likely to be a dodgy term and if the lad sees me googling dodgy terms I would be in trouble. So can't google at work nor at home, might have depend on mum for the gyaan
S, only a tsp of heaven? :( What happened to a slice?
wa, respectable marrieds like us should know that golden showers have nothing to do with the weather outside. Indie told me what it really means. She seems to know a lot in the name of research.
Awwww, you're such an innocent little baby! Does this mean you didn't look up red wings? :D hee hee hee
--Amrita.
Red wings?!! What's that? Please enlighten or better yet, do a post.
Grrr. Note to self: after visiting Terri's blog always remember to clear the cache before one gets caught out by the teenage child.
Terri, Indie has a link on that same post explaining red wings too. Thanks ladies
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