Dear dog owner in a polyester track suit,
Seriously, you need a better pickup line than pointing to me in the middle of the street and asking mom, “What breed is it? Dalmatian?”
You see, she tends to be a little judgmental about people who are ignorant about dog breeds, especially when they paid big bucks for a thoroughbred that they are now flaunting around the neighborhood.
The only reason she made eye contact with you was because the hippopotamus you were lugging suddenly decided to lunge at me from across the street.
“Hee, hee, he’s only trying to be friendly,” didn’t help assuage mom’s fears, given that your pet was at least 50 lbs. overweight and could’ve easily swallowed me for breakfast.
“What breed?” you asked again. “Alsatian?”
Did you notice mom flinch? You should’ve taken that as your cue to stop embarrassing yourself further.
Maybe you were only trying to be make conversation when you wanted to know if I was a ‘he’ or a ‘she.’ I don't think it mattered to your Labrador who would have humped the nearest electric pole if he could. But thank you for letting mom know that your dog is a ‘he.’ I think she figured that out when she saw the family jewels dangling proudly between his legs.
And what do you mean when you claim your pet is “three to four years old”? Be clear: is he three or four? Something tells me you’re not sure what grades your children are in either.
Also, the next time you talk to a woman, try to keep your attention on her face, will you? Were you looking for a mangalsutra around mom’s neck when your gaze kept veering southward?
There is a man in mom’s life, and I have a feeling you wouldn’t be coming over to say hello so eagerly if you see him with us. He’s not your type, see? He doesn’t wear polyester.
Neither a Dalmatian nor an Alsatian,
Terri
16 comments:
Polyester in Chennai.. thats painful....
vijay, equally painful is the number of people who wear clothes designed for denizens of Midwestern USA. One thunderstorm is all it takes for people to bring out jackets and such to ward off jaladosham.
Hee! Hee! My FIL uses thermalwear in maargazhi :D
LOL - thanks for the Monday morning laffs!
eww... this man is creeping me out!
-Sachita
Dog-ma? (Sorry, please adjust)
terri:
i have a really nice comeback on behalf of labrador (3, going on 4, or something like that), and i have been rotfling yada yada thinking about it.
but but but but but ... there is my reputation to consider, and what i thought up is so politically incorrect that dad, mom and you will exterminate me (with assistance from the better half of your readers), so i have gotta refrain.
here's a (is this a rhetorical?) question:
is a polyester (g)oogling dad who walks his overfed pet better than an uncaring chain-to-the-gate-ing unfeeding unfeeling dad?
- s.b.
inbavalli, sounds like we need to dig our winter jackets out when the weather changes to avoid tsk tsking from neighbors.
anu, depending on the continent you're in, this post would've worked for Sunday evening blues also.
sachita, I bet he thinks he's a stud. Polyester track suit barely covering a potbelly.
varali, sorry-ma? Didn't understand.
s.b., if you've picked yourself off the floor, please post, unless you're comparing family jewels.
I can see career options here... Courses on Dog-walking etiquette, How to Identify your Dog's breed in 10 simple steps, Pick-up lines that actually work... :)
Now all you need, terri, is a cute logo and lots of glossy marketing brochures!
ano
Dalmation? Alsation?? Oh the ignominy! Well, what else do you expect from a polyester-clad bloke, I ask!
Dog=Terri + ma=mom
Which what I thought your title implied, in the first place. :-)
Terri, umm.. just WHERE does mom meet these characters? Do we even live in the same town?
Tell mom that here it DOES help to have the mangalsutra dangling in full public view, so that roving eyes traveling down south catch it and are slapped on the face with a wet fish.
lakshmi, you need to get a dog if you want to meet characters. Of course, it works both ways, especially if the person at the other end of the leash is attractive.
And mangalsutra in public view?!! What about those infamous chain snatchers?
varali, OK, got it.
desigirl, he's probably confused about clothing material also.
ano, I like your career choices, especially since my contract for my current job ends in two weeks.
"especially if the person at the other end of the leash is attractive. "
Now I SERIOUSLY doubt if mom and I live in the same city. Are there humans with or without leash that are attractive in this city at all? Except, of course, mom herself, and a few of her fans...or at least one of them...
lakshmi, that's one big crib I have. Where are all the good-looking men in this city? Why are the pickings so slim? Even the men in movie posters do not warrant a second glance. The same doesn't apply to women, thankfully. I manage to find something attractive in most women here, and have seen a few stunners, even in bus stops.
Terri, there aren't any good looking men in Madras, unfortunately. A few young guys but that's is. My father blames the govt.
And next time we're in town, we must meet. The Bhablet is fascinated by all things doggy.
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