Maybe it’s because my humans are the kind of people who keep to themselves, or maybe it’s because of that misleading sign on our gate asking passersby to beware of the dog ... whatever the reason is, the aunty next door usually calls us on the phone instead of shouting messages over the compound wall.
She might, for instance, call and ask, “Are you home now? I’ll drop in for a second to give you some prasadam.” With visions of ghee-dripping chakra pongal dancing in her head, mom will hurriedly stack the day’s newspapers in a corner and shove the half-chewed dog bone under the couch before answering the door.
"I went to the temple to offer prayers," aunty will say, bustling in. Mom will nod politely, even as she notes with a sinking heart the absence of ever-silver containers in the lady's hands. Aunty proffers, instead, a packet of kumkum-viboothi, and as a special treat, might throw in some akshada also.
This morning, instead of offloading sacred ash, neighbor aunty called for a different reason.
“Are you happy with your new maid?” she asked. “My maid of 25 years left me; look at the cheek! I’m desperately looking for a replacement. Can you suggest someone?”
“I would recommend my new maid, aunty,” offered mom brightly. “She’s efficient, polite and smart. You can meet her today if you want to.”
Mom hung up, happy to be of use to somebody, and turned around to see disapproval writ large on her mother’s face.
“Do you know what you just did?” asked grandma. Apparently, mom had violated rule no. 1 in the Indian Housewife Code of Conduct: Never share thy housemaid with thy neighbor.
“But she asked me how the new maid is,” began mom weakly.
“It doesn’t matter how good or bad your maid is,” advised grandma. “If someone asks, it’s best to dither and say your maid has no time to take on another house.”
“But the maid was mentioning she could use some extra income,” argued mom.
Grandma slapped her forehead in dismay. “You know what could happen now? That aunty might offer her more, in which case your maid will leave you high and dry.”
A cold fear gripped mom’s heart.
“You should’ve said you’ll ask your maid to suggest someone else,” continued grandma. “Just see, you’ll be the loser.”
Faced with the gravity of the situation, mom decided to take the high road. “You know what, ma?” she said sniffing. “Let the maid leave if she wants to. Once the aunty starts wringing her dry, she’ll realize what a cushy gig she had here.”
Grandma shook her head in dismay. “Asamanjam!” she muttered, walking away. “Will this girl never learn?”
“What does that mean, mom?” her son wanted to know.
"What?"
"Asa-whatever?"
Mom has no idea, despite hearing the word applied to her often enough. She’s pretty sure, however, that it’s nothing complimentary.
28 comments:
Tch tch tch - now what? Wait and watch, I suppose....
Love thy neighbour but dont share maid... never...
Now all is not lost...dont tell aunty the real salary you are paying...she is sure to offer less ;-)
mummyjaan, there might be a sequel to this story. Dekhna na bhooliye ...
vijay, oops too late! How does one lie/dither when people ask how much the maid makes?
Is the new maid of marriagable age? If so, talk to neighbor aunty about her leaving town soon. How about ailing parents? That may call for more time off. I can't believe you said she's good. Limited maid information and recipe sharing no-nos are the first 2 things any sabhya Indian girl would learn even before she learns to cross her legs!!
Oh Ter - mom is going through "growing pains"! :) A couple of years from now the same question she might say, "Mami, velai seriya pannradhille mami. Vere yaran therinja solren"! :)
Asamanjam - haven't heard that word in a million years. Is grandma a fan on Crazy Mohan plays?
terri:
"How does one lie/dither when people ask how much the maid makes?"
an honest question deserves an honest answer: how about "x% of the household agi"? that should spin neighbour's head!
on second thoughts, the direct answer is probably better...
"the first 2 things any sabhya Indian girl would learn even before she learns to cross her legs"
speaking of crossing legs and dotting foreheads ... that reminds me - terri, has mom started wearing her thaali and that dot on her forehead yet? (this question should really have come up in response to this, or maybe it's already come up and i've forgotten)
- s.b.
terri:
what's with your change of font? i already misread something on saturday and might already be in mom's black books as a result! please revert back to the old font (and i trust you understand that i say "revert" in the strictest english sense; i'm sure you wouldn't try replying - using the hinglish meaning - to the old font) seen here!
- s.b.
guddi, obviously mom's a misfit here. Don't you think she deserves to be back on southwest soil?
noon, grandma's been using the word since mom learned to talk back. I have no idea where she picked it up from, and I'm scared to ask what it means.
s.b., mom might take off her clothes everyday, but never the thaali. It's useful for picking teeth while watching television and scratching herself in strategic places.
I don't know what happened to the font and I don't know how to revert. "Normal" Times doesn't work in Blogger. Do you know how to fix it? Kindly revert.
terri:
please open up the previous post for editing, and note its font. use the same font for current post. is there an obvious reason why you cannot do that which i am missing?! what i am wondering is how the font changed if you did not actively change it! i have not used blogger in ages.
- s.b.
s.b., I did that even before posting. Smart Blogger doesn't mention what font and size the posts are, and the Help feature on Blogger is about as useful as asking the visually impaired for directions.
terri:
"Blogger doesn't mention what font and size the posts are"
yes it does too (the sizes are not in numbers, but orders of magnitude - small, large, very large etc.). when you pull up a post in the edit mode, there are two tabs html and i-forget-the-other-one; toggle between them, and one of them will reveal the font on the top.
on a tangential note, maybe it is time for you to jump ship to wordpress :-).
or, you could choose to do nothing - let's see what font your next post will bring us!!
- s.b.
S.B,
I suspect you have a blog and you are keeping it a secret.
Terri,
Asamanjam, I think means no samarthyam (that standard tamil word for street smartness). I have translated all my mom's scolding only to that single word. That Samarthyam is a genetic thing and cannot be cultivated. One should just be delivered the verdict right at the time of birth and be done with it instead of constantly reminded of it.
And did mom use some other editor apart from blogger for writing the post? blogger doesn't cut and paste well.
LOL. I didn't even notice the change of font until I saw s.b's post and went, "huh?" Had to go back to your blog to see the difference and went,"Oh, I see". I am not sure how this sort of stuff escapes my eye.
Anyways Terri, as far as revealing the availabity of one's maid is concerned, I would have been as forthcoming as your mom if I were in India and my neighbor posed me the question. Though, for some reason, its hard for me to imagine that; I fear I would be on the other side asking for some maid references. :-)
Hey, and this post also reminded me of an ad here in the U.S. about this lady winning 2 free travel tkts and asks a friend to join her, but for a prized possession in return - her Nanny's number.
-rm
Oh man, that word brought back so many memories. In our family, along with Asamanjam, the word 'mandookaha' is also very freely used. And yes, i agree with grandmom, handing over valuable maid info to neighbors is potential suicide.
Chakli, never heard of the other word, thank goodness, and it's not because it doesn't apply to me.
rm, I was asking for maid references a few months ago. Now I can refer cooks to people - one Brahmin, one better. I can also refer the old maid to my enemies. Hey, maybe I should start my own home service agency!
sachita, is your mom also disappointed with you? Adda da, seems hard to believe.
s.b., did all that and posted despite it. I might move to Wordpress if they promise not to decorate my page with annoying snowflakes during the festive season.
"is your mom also disappointed with you? " Isn't that a universal thing?
" Hard to believe"? why?
-Sachita
I googled Asamanjam and the 1st hit was your blog. : )
minty, OMG! You're right. I feel sort of famous now.
sachita, you sound like you have saamarthyam to spare, that's why. (That's a compliment, btw.)
terri:
wordpress is smart. snowflakes affect only those who live in the frigid north! you need to visit ca, az and fl wordpress blogs and see for yourself.
- s.b.
p.s.: don't blame me if/when your chennai-based wordpress blog goes underwater during the monsoons though!
Life in desh is so complicated. Poor mom.
dipali, sniff, sniff, thank you.
s.b., I thought I saw a Delhi-based Wordpress blog with snowflakes also. Let me see what they come up with for Valentine's Day.
terri:
"Life in desh is so complicated. Poor mom."
i can see a new deadline for a blog post looming ...
'desh premee ban gaee deshperate!'
heck, maybe i should let amul use that as one of their slogans.
- s.b.
terri:
i meant headline not deadline! i really need to stop commenting before that first cup of tea in the morning!
if it can snow in cajun country, why not in the new deli*?
- s.b.
* = that's supposed to be a pun, not a typo
You can choose whether or not to have snowflakes. I think I like Mom's asamanjamness
Will she leave or won't she? We grip our chairs with whitened knuckles. The suspense is slowly killing us... Post forthwith, Terri!
muser, mom may have discovered that the new maid is an inveterate liar, so her days with us might be numbered.
mg, I should register one of these days and poke around the site to see what else they have - raining hearts, psychedelic diyas, dew drops, eerie pumpkins, etc.
s.b., you read blogs even before breakfast? Are you sitting on the pot as you type comments? I don’t know whether to feel honored or insulted.
only snowflakes at the moment!
ra:
you could have become 'lg' instead!
- s.b.
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