Some people are wise, and some, otherwise

Seven times in the last five days! God, this woman is insatiable.

If you ask me, certain activities should only be performed when the children are asleep. Preferably in their own beds. Of course, this is not a requirement, but it’s definitely more enjoyable, not to mention intimate, without frequent interruptions.

You can do it solo, but it’s nicer with a like-minded adult who enjoys it as much as you do.

Now, mom’s the kind of person who only wants to do it on a weekend, once the kids are in bed and the dryer’s humming in the background. Dad, on the other hand, is not picky - any time is a good time, even if the kids are playing in the other room.

Mom likes to dim the lights and prefers the privacy of her bedroom, while dad favors the couch in the middle of the family room.
“Let’s go upstairs,” she’s been known to interrupt, especially when she’s bored. “I’m feeling cold.”
“Now?!!" dad will look at her as though as she's lost it. "Why didn’t you tell me before we started?”

Surprisingly, despite all the finickiness, mom is the one who usually initiates it. Dad would rather work on his laptop or read a good book – go figure! The mood will strike her on a Friday night, somewhere between shoving leftovers into the refrigerator and turning the dishwasher on.

Mom: “I feel like watching a movie.”
Dad: No response.
Mom: “I said, let’s watch a movie.”
Dad: “Hmm…”
Mom: “Should we go rent something?”
Dad: “Why don’t you go? I’ll watch the kids.”

Right, there’s nothing mom would enjoy more than drive to Blockbuster ALONE, in the dark, and stare at the DVDs on the wall for a half-hour while clinging couples all around her decide what they want to watch TOGETHER.

And so it was, with dad and the kids away in Florida for the holidays, mom went all out and averaged about seven movies in five days. (But for work, she would've averaged more.)

She let the dirty dishes pile up in the sink and watched until her eyes watered. She watched until the telephone would ring and jolt her out of her television stupor. She watched until Vidya Balan morphed into George Clooney, who then morphed into Angelina Jolie and Shahrukh Khan in strangely suggestive dreams. She watched until headaches forced her to bed at night.

Paheli made her wonder if the birds milling around the bird feeder outside were, in fact, blithe spirits. The woman looks at me oddly now and has started shutting the door when she uses the restroom.

Parineeta was another forgettable film we watched (what’s with the "happy" ending? Isn’t life about pining for what you’ll never have?) Not a single screenplay appealed in its entirety, but that didn’t deter mom from sitting in front of the idiot box for more than 15 hours.

She was on vacation, after all.

Terri’s Movie Law: if everybody else raves about a film, chances are you’ll hate it (and start having serious doubts about the people who recommended it).