Be Kind ... Give a Pint

Mom's good deed for the day ... more like good deed for the month ... was donating a pint of blood to the American Red Cross.

Figuring the process would take about 10 minutes or so, mom rolled up her sleeves and headed toward the mobile unit parked in the Company parking lot to sign up.

While waiting for a technician, she leafed through a glossy rag and learned that one way to keep a man happy is to call his mother at least once a week. While she was midway through "Crack Your Man's Carnal Code," (Tip #46: Offer to trim his toenails and lick the webbing between his toes very slowly. It will drive him wild) mom was ushered into a back office - the exact size of an airplane toilet - for an interview with a phlebotomist.

The questions started innocuously enough: date of birth, weight, current medications, travel outside the country, exposure to malaria, tetanus shot, etc., were dutifully recorded. As mom suppressed a yawn and thought about getting back to the 25+ emails waiting in her inbox, the phlebotomist suddenly switched gears and drove into alien territory.

"In the last 12 months, have you had sex with a man who had sex with another man?" asked the technician.
"I'm sorry, could you please repeat the question?" spluttered mom.

"In the last 12 months, have you had sex with anybody from Africa?" continued the grim-faced woman.
Mom hesitated before responding - not because the answer was in the affirmative - but because she thought the question was misleading and needed clarification. Was the lady referring to a person born in Africa, or a person of African descent born in another country, or a tourist who went to Africa?

"In the last 12 months, have you had sex with a prostitute?"
Please. If mom had that kind of loose cash lying around, she wouldn't be clipping coupons and patronizing Great Clips. And if she could afford it, mom would use the time, instead, to get a facial and a pedicure.

Given that my humans have rarely had a bed to themselves since their firstborn arrived, a more pertinent question for people like them would be, "In the last 12 months, have you had any sex at all?"