Excess Baggage

This time, the humans have started arguing even before their vacation has begun.

Normally, they wait to schedule arguments just before departure.

Dad: “What are you still doing in the kitchen? We’re going to miss the plane.”
Dad: “Everybody in the car! I’m almost done checking my e-mail.”
Dad: “Oof, I told you not to pack so much for a weekend trip. I can hardly lift these bags.”
Dad: “Why do you need three pairs of shoes? It’s a hiking trip.”
Dad: “So many jackets? Please! We’re going to the beach!”
Dad: “Do the kids really need all these snacks for the way?”

Depending on her mood, and how late she stayed up the night before laundering everybody’s underwear, mom will respond with stinging sarcasm or stony silence, so that by the time they’re on their way, the humans are mostly communicating through their kids.

“Ask Amma if she’s hungry. I need to make a quick stop at Starbucks.”

“You want to go pee pee? Go ask Appa to take you. And make sure you go potty also.”

When dad recently announced that their Thanksgiving plan this year included visiting family in the Great Lakes region, mom smiled excitedly, looking forward to a weekend of good food, merry company and possible shopping at Ann Arbor.

Mom: “Cool! Now we can get that Ultra grinder I’ve been thinking about.”
Dad: “Are you kidding me? I’m not lugging a grinder all the way back. Those things weigh a ton.”
Mom: “I know, but we’re going all the way there. Why can’t we .…”
Dad: “Just order it online. It’s less of a hassle.”
Mom: “What? And pay needlessly for shipping and handling?”
Dad: “Look, I’m telling you, it’s not worth it. We’re not bringing any appliances back.”

Clearly, dad feels his "coolness" factor would reduce a notch if some babe at the airport were to see him hauling an Ultra grinder. Hmmm, I wonder what the general babe reaction would be when they see him towing a laptop, a camcorder, not one but two cameras, a tripod, a pink sipper cup, a novel, an umbrella stroller and a wailing toddler to the very last departure gate at the airport.

Oh, and notice that woman behind him with the hawk eyes? The one throwing dagger looks at all scantily clad women who give new meaning to the term "travel light?"

Babes, beware; she’s a part of his baggage too.