A Suitable House

Somewhat like a storybook princess who has to kiss a series of toads before she finds Prince Charming, my humans have finally found a home after three weeks of intense searching.

In their quest for a suitable home to rent, they discovered that family, friends, random strangers and their chitappas all had an opinion on where to rent, what to rent, and how much their co-brother is paying for 800 square feet on the other side of town.

“Don’t go with brokers. They’re a waste of money. Just look at the classifieds in the newspaper,” said some.

“I’ll ask my istri-wallah. He has contacts in all the right places,” offered others.

“Don't worry, I’m going to Tirupathi next week and will pray that you find a home soon,” said grandpa, willing to disturb the Almighty for such a flimsy reason.

Meanwhile, based on recommendations, mom scoured newspaper ads, online sites and relentlessly followed slim leads that led nowhere.

“Can you e-mail me pictures of the property?” she’d ask over the phone, since dad refused to give up his afternoon naps and drive around town based on a cursory description.

“Sorry, madam, owner doesn’t want property photos posted online,” said brokers, most of whom were only interested in entertaining company leases.

“I’ve mentioned your specifications to my neighbor whose son is in New Jersey,” said an uncle. “He has promised to keep an eye out for you.”

“New Jersey? But we want to rent in Chennai,” said the humans.

“Yes, yes, I know,” said uncle, shaking his head in a figure eight. “You see, my neighbor’s son has a friend in Bombay whose uncle in Mysore has a friend who just moved to Bangalore. His wife is working as a director for an NGO in Ahmedabad. Her mother lives with her son in Delhi, and has another daughter in Tennessee and one more son in Dehradun ….”

By the end of the narrative my humans forgot which city they were looking for a home in and silently nodded to everything uncle said.

“Surely, this city has a house somewhere with our name on it,” mom would sigh with each passing day.

“Don’t live near the beach,” advised grandma over the phone. “Things rust very quickly.”

“Ma, the whole city's by the beach. Besides, you’ve never lived in a coastal area.”

“It doesn’t matter. That’s what I’ve heard.”

After listening to earfuls of advice from people to “look in this neighborhood, there’s a big temple around the corner,” and “don’t even consider that neighborhood, there’s no Reliance Fresh store nearby,” the humans finally found a suitable home by the (gasp!) beach through (double gasp!) a realty company.

“But what will you do if there’s a tsunami?” asked grandpa, as soon as he heard about the sea breeze setting in at 4 p.m. everyday.

Er … anybody know of local swimming classes mom can enrol in?