Bucket list for survivors

The car wasn’t the only thing that overturned that night on the Mysore-Bandipur highway.

“In the blink of an eye, my whole life turned upside down,” sobbed mom’s friend, choking back tears as she recounted a road accident that claimed her husband’s life and left her a desolate widow with one daughter and another child on the way.

One hears of people passing on nearly every other day, but this tragedy seems to have affected mom a little more than the others. Perhaps it has something to do with losing one's spouse - which is mom's worst nightmare - on par with losing her children.

“You know, one day out of the blue he asked me, ‘What will you do if something happens to me? How will you manage?’ ” recounted the friend, whispering so her five-year-old, who thinks Appa is still in the hospital, wouldn’t overhear. “I told him to stop talking nonsense. ‘Nothing’s going to happen to you,’ I said. ‘Let’s concentrate on our new baby.’ ”

For her friend’s sake, I hope her husband manged to brief her before his life was snuffed out at 35.

For long has mom tried to ask dad what she needs to do in case … (there, she can’t even say it!) “Can you make me a checklist, please? I have no clue what to do,” she said, hoping he’d take her seriously.

Dad shrugged vaguely, dismissing the question by asking her to contact the financial planner, making mom suspect he’s equally clueless.

A long time ago, when she had no business going through her mother’s almirah, mom chanced upon a sealed envelope in her father’s handwriting that said, “To be opened in the event of my death only.” She hastily put the envelope away, as though merely touching it would bring her family ill luck.

Years later, with a family of her own, mom wishes she had a set of bulleted instructions to fall back on in case the need arises. Not being the least bit financially savvy (numbers bore her), she dreads having to deal with paperwork and decision-making in a time of distress.

On her part, mom has never felt the need to ask dad how he’d cope if she were to suddenly kick the bucket. Hypothetical questions would surely cause him to frown and leave the room. Were she to keel over, mom knows with utmost confidence that her children would be in dad’s excellent hands, lacking neither finances nor love.

Her passing would devastate her parents and bring grief to her children. But what effect would it have on the most important man in her life?

On dismal days such as this, when self-pity washes over her like a giant wave and threatens to engulf her in its surge, mom silently wonders if her absence would cause anything more than a mere ripple in her spouse’s pond of emotions.