What's love got to do with it?

The top dog of this house hates Lifetime TV.

He thinks it should be banned from the networks for glorifying weepy emotions and promoting unrealistic expectations of love. Really, it's entirely too much to dad to be uxorious about a certain brown-eyed woman, come home with flowers on occasion, enjoy bargain shopping for hours on end, and, make amorous advances only when she's in the mood.

Mom, on the other hand, is a sucker for sentimentality.

She likes to read How We Met stories in the newspaper, cries at the movies, and is thrilled to bits when little Kuki throws her arms around her neck and declares, "I wuv you!"

When Anu was but a baby learning to babble, mom tried to teach him to say "I love you," along with his ABCs. She tried saying it in English, then in French, Italian and Spanish, but a genetic predisposition makes him incapable of uttering the sentiment, even with token sincerity.

Disappointed, but not defeated, mom refuses to give up. She continues to liberally sprinkle the phrase around the kids, confident that their significant others will thank her someday for bringing up such expressive and emotive individuals.

With dad, on the other hand, she uses reverse psychology. Mom figures even if she rarely expresses her sentiments, somehow, dad will read her mind and be more affectionate toward her - almost as if to make up for her lack of sensitivity.

Confused?

Just be thankful you're not dad.