See. Sea. Si.

The family went to Rocky Point last weekend - without me, of course. I’m rarely included in these family outings because most places are openly hostile to pets. I say if children are allowed in establishments, so should dogs. We’re less messy, better behaved, cuter and don’t need to be force-fed or rocked to sleep.

Most relaxing family vacations in this household begin with the humans arguing right before they leave home. This road trip was no different. Dad blamed mom for delaying the trip by two hours and mom retorted by raking up past issues that had absolutely nothing to do with the current trip. So, by the time they pulled out of the driveway, the humans were definitely NOT talking to each other.

They finally made up somewhere along state route 85, partly because sulking takes too much energy, and partly because the scenery was so boring there was nothing else to do.

After a pit stop in Ajo with nary a McDonald’s or a Burger King in sight, the humans crossed over into Mexico and felt they had landed in a dusty shantytown in India. Except for the absence of cows and pigs on the streets (local delicacies, no doubt), the countryside was similarly littered with reckless drivers, potholed roads, festering garbage, unfinished homes, mangy dogs and street vendors.

As only my humans would, they consciously planned a vacation in a seaside resort and were then befuddled at the lack of vegetarian choices in local restaurants. “No meat? No problem; we have fish,” offered a helpful waiter at a restaurant touting choice seafood, where the humans ended up paying top dollars for chips and salsa, lard-coated chile poblanos and cheesy enchiladas.

Persnickety mom didn’t favor the roadside taquerias either, where juicy cuts of beef sizzled alongside her cheese quesadilla and lard seemed to be the cooking medium of the day.

Life was good on the beach, though. Despite the name Rocky Point, the beach was sandy and clean. The upscale resort, with half-naked Caucasians lolling on the beach, reminded mom of past holidays in Goa and Mahabalipuram. All in all, the view was spectacular, the sea was calm, the company was delightful, the cheese-filled food was filling (albeit constipating), the kids were happy, the weather was perfect and Viveka’s nankatais were delicious.

What a pity I wasn’t there to enjoy a single thing.