Dad's Day Out

You’d think at least on Father’s Day a woman would be sensitive enough to keep the kids away from dad and let him flop on the couch in his pajamas all day, with the television remote balanced on his belly.

But no, mom had to turn the occasion into a family affair. She set the agenda early in the day by asking dad to pick a restaurant of his choice for lunch. She even guaranteed herself an outing by whispering “restaurant” in Kuki’s ear as soon as she woke up, so the little princess danced around the house shouting “westwont” at the top of her voice until dad picked up the car keys.

“Sorry, madam, only Father’s Day special buffet today,” mom was informed, as she tried to order off the menu at the local Udupi café. Ditching her intention to eat sensibly, mom filled her plate with food and proceeded to dig in, only to discover that coconut-laced beans poriyal tastes rather like pepperoni when it’s been lying on a chafing dish for six hours.

Mom toyed with the idea of informing the owner that the beans were spoiled. But not one to call attention to herself, she pushed the offending beans to the edge of her plate and helped herself to a rubbery dosai.

“Mustn’t complain today. It’s Father’s Day,” she said to herself, taking a sip of sickly-sweet rose milk.

She looked around at her fellow diners. Skipping the tables with noisy families, her gaze rested on the two grad students sitting at an adjacent table. The girl, a studious type who would win grandpa's and grandma's immediate approval for wearing a bindi with her jeans, smiled at her companion shyly.

“Ah, young love,” sighed mom, straining to catch bits of their conversation. Whatever the young lovers were whispering to each other was bound to be more interesting than the exchange at her table:

Mom: “Kuki, please sit down, and don’t throw your food around.”
Kuki: “No!”
Mom: "Kuki, please finish your potatoes."
Kuki: "No!"

Mom (to dad): “I’ve been thinking, we need to call XYZ for dinner.”
Dad: “Hmm.”
Mom: “Should we call ABC also? How about next weekend? What should I make? South Indian or North Indian food? I'm thinking beans poriyal. What do you say?”
Dad: “Don’t ask me anything today. It’s Father’s Day.”

Mom: “Can you walk Terri later tonight?”
Dad: “Not today. It’s Father’s Day.”

Mom: “Should we stop by Home Depot on the way back and buy a fan?”
Dad: “Not today. It’s Father’s Day.”

Kuki: “I want to go pee-pee.”
Mom: “Darn, I just sat down to eat! Can you take her, please?”
Dad: “Not today. It’s Father’s Day.”

It took every ounce of self-restraint on mom's part to not empty her bowl of sambhar on dad's head that day. “Must control myself,” she thought, “after all, it’s Father’s Day.”