Marital Musings

Observations from the other side (as interpreted by me):

(1.) Wife constantly wants to know what I’m thinking about. Somehow, a truthful “Nothing” seems to infuriate her.

(2.) Wife has an inordinate amount of family members. She expects me to remember the hierarchy of all her uncles and their offspring, and to recall the names and relationships of half the people I met at our wedding.

(3.) Wife conveniently claims she cannot make coffee because she doesn’t drink it.

(4.) Wife spends an hour in the bathroom getting ready and emerges looking pretty much the same as before she went in.

(5.) Wife demonstrates the intelligence of a hirsute mammal that brays when it comes to driving a stick shift.

(6.) Wife pointedly asks questions about her appearance but seems upset at my honest answers.

(7.) Wife also does not appreciate my frank appraisal of her friend’s long legs.

(8.) Wife wants a bigger house, preferably like the one her successful surgeon uncle who’s been living in this country for 30 years and is married to an equally successful specialist, has.

(9.) Wife does not think Shawshank Redemption is worth watching 167 times.

(10.) Wife shows a preference for soft rock and for music by long-haired gays…sorry guys…like Michael Bolton, Kenny G and Yanni.

(11.) Wife thinks I drink too much.

(12.) Wife thinks my friends drink too much.

(13.) Wife makes way too many phone calls to her parents in India. Worse, she thrusts the phone at me when they enquire how I am.

(14.) Wife does not have lesbian threesomes in mind when she says she likes movies about women.

(15.) Wife likes to experiment at restaurants but usually ends up eating from my plate.

(16.) Wife asks me to fetch a movie of my choice from the video store but will invariably criticize whatever I pick.

(17.) Wife does not roll over and disappear until next time after lovemaking.

(18.) Wife cribs a lot. It seems to be one of her principal hobbies, second only to picking jeera out of her food.