Woman on Top

Mom just completed 30 days at her new job.

Congratulations are in order because in that short time frame, she has grumbled about frittering away her youth in traffic to all and sundry at least thrice a day.

“You know, you’ll never get ahead with that kind of attitude,” remarked dad one evening, after she poured out her traffic woes to him even before he walked in the door.

“You need to figure out what you want in life,” he continued, proceeding to educate her on the art of positive thinking, when all she wanted, really, was commiseration, and perhaps a warm cup of tea with cake rusk to dip.

The thing is, mom can’t even figure out what to wear each morning, let alone chart the course of her life. Even after careful consideration and deliberation, she inevitably makes poor choices at places like restaurants and ends up thinking about what she could’ve ordered instead of savoring what she just did. Or she'll play maverick at times, and pick an indie French film over a mainstream English or Hindi movie, and curse her choice the rest of the night and the next day.

Given her wishy-washy nature, it would be highly improbable if, say, mom were somehow offered the coveted position of Chairman / CEO of her company tomorrow.

I know stranger things have happened, such as my newfound popularity, but if mom were to receive such an offer, she would politely decline for the following reasons:

1. The only bottom line she’s obsessed with is her own. She diligently checks it every time she passes by a mirror.

2. She doesn’t play golf, nor does she intend to. Can power meetings be held in the kitchen while baking cupcakes?

3. The hardworking gene seems to have skipped a generation in her case. Pssst, anybody know of a way to make pot loads of money without actually doing any work?

4. She's still not sure what “strategic planning” means. As far as she’s concerned, “strategy” and “planning” essentially mean the same thing.

5. Power suits in boring black, navy blue and grey do not suit her complexion.

6. She’d rather get a Pap smear than speak in public.

7. The germophobe in her is leery of shaking hands. That explains her limp handshake and the infection she’s caught after being introduced around in her first month.

8. She lives her life by monthly cycles, not quarters.

9. This blog would probably come back to haunt her and besmirch her squeaky clean reputation.

10. She simply doesn’t want to lead a corporation. For now, the bigger picture only includes her family.