In a vortex over latex

It was the $5 off coupon that compelled mom to deviate from routine one afternoon and shop at the other grocery store instead of her regular haunt.

She filled her cart with all manner of provisions and proceeded to the checkout lane to patiently wait her turn.

By the time she reached the cash register, her nose buried in a magazine, mom had learned that gorgeous Vanessa Williams doesn’t really diet and follows a soap and water beauty regimen.

What a coincidence! So does mom, but it’s hard to mistake her for a beauty queen.

As she unloaded her purchases onto the belt, mom hesitated for a second and looked around before placing a pack of prophylactics (on sale for half-price) on the counter.

Memories of bumping into a girlfriend with a pregnancy test kit in hand came flooding back, and not wanting a repeat scene, mom took care to casually conceal the box by sandwiching it between two gallons of milk.

Digging through the dregs of her purse for her debit card, mom reached the cashier, ready to greet the person with a polite plastic smile in place.

The cashier turned toward mom and caused her heart to momentarily leap out of its cavity.

Of all people, it was the desi uncle she occasionally bumped into at parties.

“Hello, how are you?” he smiled, running her buttermilk over the scanner.

“Er … fine,” mumbled mom, belying her current state of anxiety. She wondered if it was too late to dive across the conveyor belt and shove the offending pack into the Kit Kat bars lining the aisle.

“Did you find everything all right?” asked uncle genially, offering mom a perfect opening into a conversation.

On any given day, mom would’ve inquired about his family and made polite small talk about the buy one get one free deal on russet potatoes.

That day, however, she could only watch mutely as the cause of her consternation steadily made its way toward uncleji with every successive beep.

Wanting to bury her face in a paper or plastic bag (she wasn't choosy), mom pretended to be VERY busy rifling through her purse for her car keys.

“Would you like any stamps or ice with that?” inquired uncle, unaware that mom was in no mood to prolong the transaction.

Conscious of the flush spreading across her face, she picked up her purchases and all but ran out of the store as fast as she could.

Later, as she unloaded the groceries at home, the $5 off coupon fluttered to the floor, crumpled and unused.

"I wonder what uncle’s schedule is," thought mom, smoothening out the edges and squinting to read the coupon's expiry date.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she idly wondered if the rubbers would still be on sale.