Mom is always in a quandary when people ask her where she's from.
When non-Indians ask her, the answer is easy - "India," she replies confidently. The confusion sets in when she's probed further or when fellow Indians ask her.
The city she called home for the first 23 years of her life doesn't feel like home anymore.
"What do I say?" she wonders when confronted. "Should I start by saying that I grew up in the north but am originally from the south? Does that make me a pseudo North Indian as opposed to a pucca South Indian? I can't claim to be from Chennai either since I wasn't brought up there. What about the 13 years I spent outside India? That's not really 'home sweet home,' but I want to go back. Bangalore is still too new to call home and I'm not sure I want to live here forever. Darn it, can't we just talk about the weather instead?"
In a nutshell, mom feels at home neither here nor there.
Anybody else feel like a dhobi ka kutta?
*Natewe for the unsuspecting is actually "native" in Southenglish.
17 comments:
Oh Terris Mom. This is a problem I face too. I did live in Calcutta for quite a few years but have been out for the last 11 years. Im not South Indian..so when I say Im from Bangalore I get confused looks which demand more explainations. Add to the fact that my family is now scattered across 3 different cities in India. Also, I am married to a Punjabi who was born and brought up in Chennai and now lives in Bangalore..so when people decide to ask him instead of me, they end up even more confused. Siigh.
PS: Budday is tomorrow. thank you for the wishes :)
"Hi. Indian? Cool, me too. Where are you from?"
"Oh I'm from Delhi. I mean I stayed in Delhi for 11 years. I'm originally from Chennai. But its been ages since I went there. Oh no wait, I did go there for Diwali. But I don't feel like a chennai-ite you know. Right now I reside in Bangalore. I can't call myself a Bangalore person though. I'm not sure I would be staying there for long. I just moved to Bangalore for work. I'm trying for a transfer. Its a nice place, Bangalore, but I miss Delhi. There's a deep attachment with that place you see. So I think I can safely say I'm from Delhi."
Rest assured that person won't be asking the same question ever again!
Ron, I had to read your penultimate sentence three times to figure out where your husband is from. I might still be confused.
Nischita, I'm also sorry I asked :)
Chennai-Chennai-Chennai.
What an easy life I lead.
Oh, yes. Talking about the weather is so much easier than explaining where you are from. I am also equally confused when Americans ask me where I am from in India, when they don't know any other place than Bombay and Delhi.
Veena
:) Having moved half a dozen times while in school and half a dozen times since school, I totally get your drift. But strangely enough, I've always said and still say Madras. Probably because of the mother tongue.
Yes, well I was born in Bangalore, but grew up in Bombay. Then I lived in the US for a few years. Where? Oh well I was in cityX for a year, then city Y for a few months and then city Z for 2 years. Then I moved to London, UK. Where?
Well first we lived in A for 3 months, then in B and finally in C for 3 years. Then I moved to Canada. Where? Well Calgary for a few months and now I'm in Toronto.
Thanks for asking.
Many of us feel the same way:(
Mostly grew up in Delhi, but have lived all over the place. As of now, I live in Kolkata and belong nowhere:(
I'm an Indian and I spent the first 11 years in two different countries , and 5 cities . Then 11 years in(India) the same place , worked in another city for nearly a year , moved to two other cities in 3yrs of marriage .
Now if my parents had " natewe" place i cud just say A or city B is my "natewe" , but as it happens both parents had an upbringing similar to mine .... so i have no idea what to say and each time someone asks me i give them a different answer :)
s.g.s., in your case, Timbuktu might be easier to remember.
dipali, so it's normal to not feel a sense of belonging. What a relief!
Broom, next stop Australia; Africa?
Shobha, despite the familiar language Chennai felt alien to me. I blame it on the tropical weather since I grew up in the plains.
Veena, you're not from an Indian metro? I always felt bad for people flying in to the country from Europe or America who had to catch a bus or a train to finally reach their destination.
Lakshmi, you belong there body and soul, right?
If only 'home' was not a place...but it is. its a little in Muscat,Bhopal and London and it calls to me all the time.
so usually when ppl ask me where i am from they have to endure this sentence-i am in Indian who was brought up in Oman,did my college from my indian 'hometown' of bhopal and now i have settled in London.
ppl from my school have been passing around this email to help us feel better about ourselves and to help us not call ourselves freaks-
A Third-Culture Kid (TCK) is "an individual who, having spent a significant part of the developmental years in a culture other than the parents' culture, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures while not having full ownership in any. Elements from each culture are incorporated into the life experience, but the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience." --David Pollock
You know you're a TCK when:
1) You can't answer the question "where are you from?"
2) You speak two (or more) languages but can't spell in them
3) "Where are you from?" has more than one reasonable answer
4) You feel odd being in the ethnic majority
5) You have the urge to move to a new place every couple of years
6) You go into culture shock upon returning to your "home" country
7) You flew before you could walk
8) You have a passport, but no driver's license
9) You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
10) You don't know where home is
11) You sort your friends by continent
12) Your second major is in a foreign language you already speak
13) You feel that multiple passports would be appropriate.
14) Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
15) You know the geography of the rest of the world, but you don't know the geography of your own country.
16) You realize it really is a small world, after all.
17) Your legal drinking age depend miraculously on which country you're at.
18) You're spoilt. You know it. You're VERY spoilt.
The dhobi ka kutta only had to choose between ghar and ghaat ...
I left India as soon as I was eligible to vote here and then left the USA just after the primaries. Wonder if there will ever be a time when I'll feel involved in the political system of the place where I'm living!
-DS
10 years in a smaller city in TN, another decade in Madras, couple of years in grad school town, 5 years in Bay area which is India in US.
I used to think the place you spent your teenage years is closest to your heart, a time when you really start exploring the place around you. Even that isnt true anymore. That city has changed drastically.
Home currently is four walls containing my parents. They have changed four cities in 3 different states since I left India.
-Sachita
Ps: i thot this was the purpose of your question, to collect backgrnd, so i gave mine:)
Hi Terris Mom
Always good to read your posts. Does the following qualify for a dhobhi ka kutta feeling?
being called those roti eating northies in south india (where i currently reside) or rice plate-ised madrasi when back HOME?
I cant identify with ur post :( I havent changed pin code even after marriage! that must sound sad!! :(
The Muser, on the contrary, you have solid roots. When people ask you where you're from, you have a ready answer.
Anon, who are these rude people you're associating with? Throw a hard idli at those northies, and a stale kachori at those southies.
Sachita, your parents seem to be moving at a faster rate than you. Where do they feel they belong?
DS, are you eligible to vote here now?
Honey, I got one thing cleared up - I'm not a TCK! You went from Oman to Bhopal? Was it a major cultural shock?
I am natewe to planet earth. End of discussion.
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