With each passing day, mother gets more and more depressed.
No, it’s not because her parents left after the winter break, and mom now has to awake early to fetch the milk from the front gate before the crows peck at the packets.
It’s also not because dad threw in the towel after more than 14 years with the same corporation and both humans are now officially jobless. The poor man deserves to take a break, although mom has started dreading the casual, “Where does your husband work?” question directed at her in social situations. She’s noticed that nobody ever asks her where she works (not that she does), making her wonder whether she looks like the quintessential Indian housewife or a costly kept woman.
Mom's low spirits have less to do with her appearance (wait, is that even possible?) and more with the fact that nearly eight months after their move, the humans are about to run out of American toilet paper.
In a matter of hours or even minutes, depending on the family’s output, the last ply of Kirkland embossed bath tissue will disappear forever down the drain, leaving only a bare cardboard roll and a naked behind in its wake.
Smug NRIs, for whom quilted bath tissue is only a short walk away to the nearest restroom, may wonder what the crisis is compared to the more serious depression in the bear market. Isn't toilet paper as close as the nearest Nilgiri's? Or has the humans’ current jobless state affected their purchasing proclivities?
The problem is India manufactures sand paper that’s packaged and sold as toilet paper. A few vigorous wipes by the local brand can leave one with an inflammation in sensitive areas that are not even allowed to be kissed by the delicate rays of the sun.
Mom was not always a convert. Before she left Indian shores, she used paper the way Goddess Saraswati intended. Faithful use of the product for the last 15 years, however, has left her the kind of person who now stuffs her handbag with more toilet paper than money for unforeseen emergencies.
If she could, mom would request visiting relatives from abroad to dispense with the perfumes, chocolate, scented candles, saffron and dried fruit, and bring her gifts of ultra soft bath tissue instead.
“But paati said toilet paper is disgusting,” her children inform her when she berates them for using more than they require. According to mom, a wet bathroom is even more so. Besides, how does one walk around in damp underwear all day?
Thursday, February 05, 2009
What a bummer!
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41 comments:
Hahahaha... oh lord, Terri, I so empathise! I know EXACTLY what you mean, experienced it all, from various trips back to India :) I've been toying with the idea of bringing my own supply of toilet paper on the forthcoming trip. I kid you not.
LOL! Sympathies.
The first item on my "To Pack" list is none other than Charmin:-))
Hi Terri,
"How does one wander around in damp underwear all day" - exactly my question...I thought I was the only one that felt that way. I don't know how I did it the first part of my life...
Visitors from India to the US dread the toilet paper and vistors from the US to India dread not having the toilet paper...a pretty significant issue I say!
Cheers,
SS from San Diego
terri:
this post is worth your weight ... in toilet paper!
*something tells me that mom won't insinuate that she feels insulted by this comment*
ss from san diego:
i wonder what romans do when they ain't in rome?
- s.b.
Terri, I give it to your mom for writing such common topics in such an interesting and funny manner. I had to comment. I and your mom share this "wet bathroom" peeve. :-). Kids don't seem to care anyway.
Although, i can understand what you mean, since we did not bring charmin, we did not have the predicament of transitioning from one brand to another. Local Godya brand seems ok but i agree that it is a personal call based on how one uses it! :-). I have cringed about the facial tissue quality more than toilet paper. We use way much less facial tissue now when kids have cold than our earlier life.
I had arrangements with my visitors from the US to bring me Bounty (since we had brought in rolls of them unintentionally when we moved back)and it took me more time to transition out of it. I am fashionably going green now and cutting down a lot on use of paper. Bathroom would be the last place if and when it happens.
Damp underwear? LOL!! Again, this is a one and only Terri's Tails original idea!!
Your blog is a must visit for RNRIs!! :-)).
Please keep up this fun!!
- Shree
Oh Terri, you go boldly into areas that other canines would hesitate to, and we love you for it! I would have offered you some TP (tangent: colleagues here use this acronym to refer to one of our products which caused much confusion the first few times) but I am down to my last 3 rolls. The other half has gone paperless so they are ALL MINE (my pwecious).
I don't remember damp underwear being an issue before we left desh . We've gone soft, I tell you.
And I can't BELIEVE I am going into this, but I have a couple of hand towels that are reserved to prevent damp underwear. But it requires some ingenuity so other unsuspecting bathroom users don't use them for more conventional purposes.
And re: "where does your husband work", Mom should get creative and have fun with it. And then report back here :-)
-DS (who was tempted to remain truly anonymous for this comment)
Oh Terri! You have me roarrrring on the floor, laughing with this one. Bummer, indeed!
Going through similar sentiments every vacation, I truly sympathise with your plight. I am not organised enough to stuff toilet paper into my suitcase; even if I were, just WHERE would I put it in our toilets?
Longtime lurker - couldn't resist this post!
All my sympathies...and yes, it is a *real* problem. What you do is
1) Buy desi-TP.
2) But a squeegie thingy to clean off wet floors.
3) Most adults can be trusted to wash butt without wetting the floor (if the apparatus used is the hose attachment) - but, for children - teach them to immediately squeegie the floor if they sprinkle as much as a drop on the floor.
4) Damp u/w problem is solved by using the desi TP after washing, merely to dry - you can pat yourself dry without damaging delicate areas...
Trust me - the floor dries in double-quick time, and all parties are satisfied!
M
mschillpill, right. If the toilet’s Indian-style, the only place to put it would be on your head.
DS, thanks for the advance warning. I’ll keep it in mind the next time I use the toilet in your house. Er, how often do you wash these hand towels that are not used to wipe hands?
Shree, I miss those wholesale boxes of Kleenex. If Indians can master the art of baking bread, why can’t they manufacture soft paper?
s.b., make that mom’s weight. She’s heavier.
SS, mold is such a problem in Chennai, isn’t it? I don’t know how people stay dry.
Anu, do people here think you’re such a firang?
Shyam, if you have any leftovers from your trip, you know where to drop them off ;)
M, looks like you’ve spent time doing hands-on research on the issue. That squeegee thing? It starts looking ugly (no, make that uglier since it’s ugly to begin with) the next day because it rusts.
TM, I feel your pain. No, make that I felt your pain. Here's what you do: once a week head to the nearest 5 star hotel. For coffee. Make sure you have a large handbag. Make frequest visits to restroom. The rest I leave to your imagination. And I leave you with this tid-bit - as far as I know, the 5 star hotels are the only ones with toilet paper approximating the ones suitable for human consumption.
Sujatha, how embarrassing would it be if I'm caught ... by dad?
Thanks for the laughs! Guess what I did a search for toilet papers in India and came up with a list of helpful websites. Here are a few
http://www.indax.com/toilets.html
"air dry" they suggest....
Veena
Not to worry, the possibility of towel confusion would only happen in our (master) bathroom, not in the guest bathroom!
The towels get tossed into the wash every couple of days (since they are only used for drying not _cleaning_, just to make it very clear :-)
Archeologists researching primitive toilet habits centuries hence are going to be so illuminated and entertained, when they sift though this archive.
-DS
Such a fundamental issue, this!
I'm the one who carts my trusty mugga to the US and Oz, because I cannot bear to used TP! (This when early childhood was spent using paper in UK, and initial exposure to water in the said fundamental area was a dampening experience.
Godya ain't bad- I buy it by the ton for my Dad.
Go green- DS's advice seems eminently practical. Or just use TP for drying.
Mom will get to the bottom of this situation, sooner or later, Terri.
dipali, you said it :)
DS, I now realize I should never have thrown my children's burp cloths away. They would've come in handy. And your husband's given up paper for you? I find that incredibly romantic.
Veena, all that site's missing is illustrations. Air dry? Not unless I have a television in the bathroom to pass time. Do you know how long it takes for things to dry in this humidity?
I can't take the credit for my husband going paperless. He thinks like paati on the water/paper issue.
-DS
Oh I have an OCD family that HATES wet bathrooms, wet butts, but toilets at parents' home do not permit the flushing of TP. (we tried - to ugly results). The squeegie rusting issue wasn't so much an issue in B'lore, but since the family is also cursed with universal bad backs, the fairly short rod was swapped out with a longer wooden rod...only metal left is the spine that holds the squeegie part, and that was painted, so no rust...
M
Terri, tell mom to check if she has some of dad's (company) stocks left over.. they serve a good purpose in this case!!!
8/2/09 5:54 PM
Guddi, I agree wholeheartedly, as would dad.
M, you guys have put a lot of thought into this, I see.
DS, aw shucks, you could've played along at least until Valentine's Day.
Vaater is best...
Withdrawal symptoms will be there initially (pun intended).. but you get used to it..
Plus think about it.. its such a small part of everyday life..
See a foreigner's experience here:
http://bangaloreblues.wordpress.com/2007/06/19/belgian-in-the-bathroom/
guddi/terri:
why pick on dad or his company? name a company, and i would bet its stock is already in the toilet! :-)
vijay:
a) you're taking away my usp.
b) drat - i'm getting old too! i forgot that post.
ds:
visit sundar for a post on the paati/potty issue!
- s.b.
No water to wash the bum? I had the "hygiene showers" aka potty showers sent all the way from India to be installed in the loos here! Bums to be patted dry with toilet paper later of course.
Vijay: I was choking back laughter reading about the poor Belgian in the bathroom (and the title brought back fond memories of James Herriot (Bats in the Belfry) ).
I have to take exception with your comment "Plus think about it.. its such a small part of everyday life.." -- that "part of life" can make all the difference in how you start your day! :-)
-DS
An important point is, using kirkland and charmin interchageably they are not the same. the latter is undoubtedly softer and superior.
-Sachita
@DS Glad you liked it...
On the "part of life" bit.. I think its a guy thing.. my wife would agree with you...
All I can say in response is this
terri:
i confess - my hindi is rotting. take for instance my first thought, when a pal forwarded an article by a dude named 'viral,' that the name had something to do with microbes.
now that i have it out of the way, would you mind transliterating 'vidaniya' for me? i could not do it any way that makes sense, so it might be good if you could include a translation with the transliteration!
- s.b.
s.b., I hope your Russian's better than your Hindi. Does the film title make sense now? Clue: It's not Hindi.
lakshmi, I thought about you while writing this post. Strange what we associate with people, right?
Vijay, I agree with the wife. It's a HUGE part of life. These days, I hesitate to even exchange money with shopkeepers. I know where their unwashed hands have just been.
Sachita, Kirkland is good enough for my bum. I feel positively decadent when I use Charmin.
ra, good for you for going green.
That is so not possible- I used to get the softest bath tissues at the nearest supermarket in bangalore (kleenex, cottonelle etc).. maybe mom hasn't looked properly?
Nice pun in the title, btw. :-)
Anon, we're talking Chennai; more specifically, the boonies where we live is blessed with a tiny Nilgiri's within walking distance. Maybe on our next trip to Bangalore, I can stock up on toilet paper, like dad does bottles of wine.
Maybe Mom could try out Amma Nana / Fairlands opposite Park Sheraton. They do stock up on imported goods.. and might have something for you. And if they don't you can always take Sujatha's suggestion and raid Park Sheraton!
//Faithful use of the product for the last 15 years//- but you said 13, not 15? Don't blame dad. :-)
same anon from above? If you want to nitpick, I counted grad. school :)
gds, ah, if only we could afford to shop at "imported goods" stores for things like toilet paper, we'd have practically nothing to crib about.
Lmao! missed your posts
Same anon. Not trying to nitpick. :-) Dad doesn't seem to have a lot of support, so trying to give some.. :D
Ah, grad school.. you and all big people wonly.
P.S: I love your blog.
1$, I'm still here. Where were you?
anon, if you're supporting dad, you must be a guy, although confessing feelings by using heavy words such as "I love" makes me think otherwise.
was lost....anyways hopefully I'm here to stay this time around.
This might make you feel better? Or worse? :)
ano
Ah yes, toilet paper, loofahs, bath oil... remember the good old days when all you wanted from phoren was some decent chocolate?
By the way: bidet.
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