Pet Peeves

• Hearing “How was your weekend?” on Monday mornings.
  If you must know, about all it involved was three loads of laundry and some light cleaning.

• Returning troops who still say “Eye-raq.”
  Obviously, the trip wasn’t much of a learning experience, was it?
  

• People who start telephone conversations with “How are you?” the second time they call you in under five minutes.
  

• Liberal use of the F-word, unless you’re this funny guy.
  

• People who interrupt my meal with a request to pass the bread, or the butter, or the salt, or that heavy jug of iced tea.
  Good lord, angrezis, just reach over or across as they do in India, won't you?

• Using the standard “I misplaced your number” as an excuse to not keep in touch.
  Tsk, tsk, c’mon, you can do better than that.
  

• Chai tea
  Perhaps this is why I was born. Maybe it’s my mission in life to save North Americans from further idiocy by pointing out the redundancy of ordering “tea tea” at a coffee shop.
  

• Signing off telephone calls with an “I love you” as a substitute for “bye.”
  Maybe it’s just my humans, but they usually grunt on the telephone, especially when talking to each other. “I love you” is used only on an as-needed basis.
  

• Call Waiting
  Really, people, I don’t understand you. What could possibly be more important than talking to me?

• Women who unconsciously greet men with a “What’s up?”
  Er ... trust me, ladies, you don’t want to know.