PETA (Please Eat the Animals)

Mom's devastated.

No, not by the terror attacks in London (although that's sad, too) but because she found out that P.F. Chang's Double Pan-fried Vegetable Noodles (her favorite dish) contains chicken stock.

She's always suspected restaurant food isn't vegetarian-friendly, but she found this nugget of information on the P.F. Chang's Web site and that's confirmation enough for her to bid adieu to another indulgence.

Dad's reaction to mom's reaction: "Ridiculous!"

He's petrified that mom will brainwash the kids into becoming vegetarian hippies who'll celebrate Thanksgiving with tofurkey, or become active PETA members, or worse, start listening to Michael Bolton.

And I have to agree with him about vegetarianism.

I mean, think about it, at the rate some of my fellow beings procreate, slaughter and consumption is the only way they can be effectively stopped. Especially lowly beings like chickens who go around spreading rumors that the sky's falling.

Mom needs to realize that she's in a minority, and if everybody else in the whole world is doing it, can it be wrong?

No, wait, that argument won't work. She'll counter it with popular activities like smoking and illicit sex, and I'm not, um ... qualified to discuss that.

Or so she thinks.